4 Things To Do Before You Bang a Big Girl
Posted by The Hoss on 8/27/09 • Categorized as Fat Chicks, Featured, Hookup FAIL • 
Stumble It!
Think of this as your essential check list when either wingman duty calls or you just realize that big girls need love to. Proper planning will ensure your big adventure doesn’t come with big consequences. Oh and hey, don’t give us the high and mighty act asshole…
Reinforce
One night of porker sex isn’t worth a new Ikea bed frame… you either reinforce, or you take that oink-er to the floor.
Furniture and common places like the table are absolutely out of the question. The last thing you want to do is plant that whale up on your bathroom sink only to watch it crumble. Then you’ll be standing ankle deep in water while Shamoo splashes around. Explain that one to your land lord.
Wrap it
This one should be obvious, but for some it isn’t. Just because she is fat, doesn’t mean she can’t reproduce. What’s worse than waking up to fat chick? Watching that same fat chick popping out a kid. You’ve been warned.
She might mistake it for a sausage link, but that’s a chance you’ll have to take.
Hide Your Snacks
You just woke up, and she’s still there…. SHIT. I’m sure you don’t want her around, so you got to get her to leave. Don’t panic, if you plan ahead this can go smoothly.
As you’ve read here, a late night feeding frenzy or morning after buffet are more than possible. So, before you leave for the night, make sure you hide snacks! Bury theHot Pockets, nacho dip, and Ho Hos in your fridge’s fruit and vegetable drawers, she’s never going to look there. Freaking brilliant right?
Beat Your Liver Like it Owes You Money
Drink her from manatee to freaking Megan Fox… unless you sorta like this kind of thing (SergioCOUGH COUGH).
Put a big hurt on your liver for this heavy hitter. Patron, Tuaca, Jagermeister, and Jack should be having you ready to give your Bacardi O face to whoever you drink this woman to be. When you start playing with her hair in the bar, it’s time to call the cab.
If you need to get rocked, try these:
You might also like
|
|
|
|
|
Yes. Hahaha. Yes
Nikolai -this story reads like your personal playbook
I believe somebody speaks from a little too much experience. While it is an honorable thing to jump on a hand grenade, one can’t have this much info without also chasing a few pigs by choice.
Skunk, Sergio has taught me much, especially sealing the deal by buying them a Bacon Martini
Love the picture setting to the story,,,
DJam1999 I’ve been told my first picture went a little too far… they couldn’t handle the Shrek
where in the fuck did you find that picture anyways? I want to find that…thing/person/animal and conduct an interview with it and learn about its every day life and day to day routine
@kevinjj she is the first photo in Google Images when you search for “fat ugly girl” … just terrible
http://images.google.com/images?q=fat%20ugly%20girl&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&rlz=1R1GGGL_en___US349&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi
I would fuck that just to say I did. boldly go where no man and sunshine has gone before
Kevin you might have to fight Sergio for that honor!
LOL, you know its actually a man right?
If that’s a man… I don’t know if he’d have a harder time getting laid as a man or woman