FML – Fuck My Liver

Back in college, some of my friends were having a party.  At the time, it was for brothers of our fraternity only.  And at the time, I was not yet in the frat. Therefore, I was not invited to partake.  What the fuck was I going to do on a Friday night by myself?

I purchased a bottle of Absolut Citron and planned on getting a buzz going until my friends get back.  I figured that we could just party at that time.  I have a huge test the following week and get a jump on it by forcing a little study time in since nothing is going on.  I start to read through the first chapter and pour myself a shot.  I rip the shot and get another one ready.  I continue reading, then rip another shot.  I get another ready.  This gets monotonous, but continues for a couple of hours.

Next thing I know, I’m fucked up and can’t read what’s on the pages.  My friends get back from the party around this point.  “What the fuck have you been doing?”, they ask me.  I take a look at the bottle and realize that I’ve drank three-fourths of the bottle by myself just sitting at home.  Intervention please!

One of the guys wants to head down to one of the sorority wings to hang out and afterparty.  I’m game.  We take the rest of the bottle to finish up.  We hang out with some of the girls and make screwdrivers with the rest of the vodka.  We take those down and follow with some beer.  It’s 4:00am and I’m flooded.  The main reason that I came to the sorority wing has exited my mind and sleep is all I want now.  We head back upstairs and pass out.

The next day, I wake up and feel like death.  I’m so bad and in so much pain that I’m wondering if I need to head to the hospital.  Fuck it, I’ll just keep sleeping.  I wake up again later, make my way to the bathroom, and throw up.  Back to bed.  I wake up again and am even worse.  I don’t move from my bed (except to throw up) for a solid 16 hours.  Fatigued and still with a massive headache, I figure I need to eat and order pizza.

Even in this much agony and having gone through that much pain, it’s time to start drinking.  Shit, it’s Saturday!  I grab a beer and get it started again.  To this day, I can still not even smell citrus flavored vodka without gagging.  Fuck my liver.