The Most Annoying Freak Ever
Posted by Ace on 11/09/09 • Categorized as Hookup FAIL • 
Stumble It!
I was out to lunch with a girl friend of mine and the topic of conversation switched to music. She told me how she wanted to go see the Counting Crows/John Mayer concert that was in town. I had received two free tickets to the concert and let her know that she could go with me if she would want to. She was elated. I really couldn’t care less, but we were friends and they were free, so what the hell?
The day of the concert arrives and she plans on driving. The Hoss and his girl at the time come with us for the ride and to hang out with us since they were going to the concert as well. I’m imagining that it will be a fairly stress-free day with a high amount of alcohol consumption. I couldn’t have been more wrong about the latter. First off, this girl is a terrible driver. And she seems pissed off about something. She’s speeding the whole way to the concert and waiting until the very last second to hit the brakes when necessary. She’s honking at people and swearing. The rest of us are just hoping we arrive alive.
We make it to the concert and alcohol is the first thing on our minds. We tailgate for a little bit at the car before heading in. Needless to say, this girl is complaining the whole time. She’s just bitching about the most mundane things. I’m ready for the concert to start so I don’t have to hear it anymore. Once inside, more beers are ordered and we find a place on the lawn to watch the concert. The whole time the concert is going on, this girl is hugging me and putting her hands on me. Now, in a sexual connotation, I would be fine with this. But she was doing it in more of an endearing manner. The Hoss and I excuse ourselves to get more drinks. As we all continue to get more intoxicated, this girl is getting closer and closer. She starts asking me why I don’t want a girlfriend and kissing my ear. Hoss shoots me a look of disgust. My eyes scream, “Save me!”, but to no avail.
Finally, the concert is over and we head out. In the parking lot, she’s back to bitch-mode. She’s super-aggresive in the parking lot and ends up bumping into a GT3000. The worst part is that she claims it’s not her fault. She won’t even get out of the car to take a look at any damage. Once the driver of the GT3000 assesses that there is in fact no damage, she gets back in her car. “That’s right. Get back in your car, bitch,” our driver says. The Hoss, his girl, and I exchange looks of confusion and disbelief. This girl is out of her fucking mind.
We get back to the city and drop The Hoss off at his place then head back to mine. I’m shitcanned by now and she has eased up on the attitude. It doesn’t hurt that she has a decent rack and been known to have been a freak in the sheets. I invite her inside for some more drinks. On my couch, we start making out. “Ace, I didn’t even know you felt this way about me,” she says. I continue to kiss her so she’ll shut up. Things progress and we’re quickly naked. We fuck on one couch, then move to the other. I’m so drunk that I’m never going to bust. We do it at every angle on every piece of furniture in the apartment. Forty-five minutes later, she has to stop because she’s getting sore. She proceeds to go down on me. Every five minutes, right as I get close to going, she stops, and asks me, “What’s wrong?” Twenty minutes later, I’ve had enough. I stop her and tell her that I’m tired. She lets me know that she she wants me to fall asleep “inside her”. Wow, she was a freak. Maybe the annoying part was worth all the hassle. I politely decline and pass out. Fuck my liver.
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not funny…