Fuck My Liver

A few years ago, my birthday fell in the middle of the week.  I had celebrated the prior weekend, but wanted to go out on the actual day as well.  I invited some people to meet up at the bar early.  A few friends come out for the evening and one tells the bartender (whom I know) that it’s my birthday.  This means that I will be receiving ridiculously strong drinks the rest of the night (which is a good thing).

After taking down round after round and shot after shot, I’m swaying.  It’s later in the evening now, and even though it’s a Wednesday, the place is packed.  There’s an extremely drunk girl in the vicinity and I make a move.  She’s bout it, bout it.  And I can’t even see straight.  We talk for a good three minutes before the making out begins.

We head out of the bar and I pull her into a little nook outside where an apartment door is.  I slam her against it and we keep going at it.  She’s grabbing me and I’m feeling her.  I hear ‘Oh my God! Look at that!’ come from a girl.  I realize that we’re not even discreet about it, but I don’t care.  It’s my fucking birthday bitch.  This girl asks me to come back to her place with her.

I hop in a car with some of her friends and take the fifteen minute ride back to her place.  We’re still going at it in the car.  We get back and head inside.  On the couch now, we’re kissing and grabbing at each other.  Suddenly, she stops me.  “You have to leave now,” she says.  “Um, what are you talking about?”, I respond.  She drops the hammer: “My boyfriend is on his way here now.”  Are you fucking kidding me?  She tells me that she didn’t think he was coming over.

I pretend to put her number in my phone and walk out the front door.  It takes me five good minutes to walk around and figure out where the fuck I even am.  Still drunk and pissed about the former events, I’m thinking about going back up to the house and giving this girl a piece of my mind.  Unfortunately, I’m too drunk to even remember which house I came out of.  I call a taxi and head home.  Fuck my liver.

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