FML – Fuck My Liver

In the fall of my freshman year of college, I was dating a girl.  She was nothing to write home about, but this was before I found my swagger.  She lived in a rural area outside of Pittsburgh.  One sunny weekend, she invited me and a couple of my boys to come up to her “neck of the woods” for a campfire.  I knew some of her friends from home and that there would be heavy doses of alcohol involved, so on our way we went.

Once there, the drinking commenced.  We went with a few people to the campfire site to set-up and get it started while it was still light out.  In the meantime, they had a rope swing over a creek.  A couple of us went on it before it was my buddy Yayo’s turn.  He hopped on, never got a good grip, and slammed sideways into a rock.  Laying there and groaning in agony, our other buddy is cracking up.  This series of events continues to be one of our most told stories of drunkeness.  Obviously Yayo was out of commission for the rest of the night, considering the fact that he started pissing blood and threw up a couple of times.  He stayed in the car for the remainder of the evening.

The rest of us continued to get shitfaced.  The fire was burning and there were about 30 of us getting drunk out in a field.  We played some drinking games and cooked some food as the sun went down.  After a few hours of drinking, my girlfriend asks me to take a walk with her.  We bullshit for a bit unil we get to an area of the field where it’s difficult for the others to see us.  Suddenly she pulls me to the ground and starts making out with me.  Obviously, it’s on.  I pull her skirt up and she pulls out a condom.  It’s apparent that she was planning this.  I hit for about 20 minutes and then we head back.  It was my first time having sex outdoors.  No one even noticed that we were gone.

We drink a little longer until it’s time to pass out.  For some reason it was ridiculously cold out and were forced to sleep inside the cars.  No exaggeration that even with how drunk I was, I only get about two hours of sleep because it’s literally too cold to get comfortable.  In the morning, my friends and I wake up and head back to town hungover.  My buddy Yayo ends up pissing traces of blood for the next three days.  A successful weekend.  Fuck my liver.