FML – Fuck My Liver

If you have not yet read “My Night With Eva Longoria: Part 1″, go here.

The Hoss was growing tired of this sorority girl’s freshman games and needed a way to get rid of her (we will call her Eva for the sake of the story).  He figured he might as well throw her to the wolves so that he wouldn’t be ‘at fault’ for cutting the relationship off.  He knew that I thought she was hot and that I talked to her often enough to make something happen.  And I had already hooked up with some of her friends so why not add her to my stable?

I’m sitting at my computer desk in my apartment when an instant messge pops up from The Hoss on AIM.  “THIS IS YOUR MISSION SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT”.  In full out Mission Impossible detail, The Hoss has requested that I hook up with Eva to get her off his hands.  He has spared no detail and has provided picture links, known acquaintances, and frequent hangouts.  I mull over the task at hand and accept the mission.  Honestly though, I didn’t think twice about it.

I chat her up on IM a bit and then see her out.  Time to strike.  Eva’s drunk and needs walked to her place.  Being the gentleman I am, I oblige.  Since she lives in the freshman dorms, I am denied access.  Fuck.  So I ask her to come over to my place later that week for a movie.  She accepts.  I can tell that this is already over.

She comes over later in the week on a night my roommate is gone.  We open a bottle of wine and start a movie.  Now onto the second bottle of wine, we’re getting close.  She tells me, “My friend told me that you were a really good kisser.”  “Who?”, I reply.  She makes me guess.  “Rachael?” No. “Liz?” No. “Sara?” NO!  Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.  This girl doesn’t care though.  She is getting drunk and horny.  She tells me it’s another one of her friends.  I reply, “Oh yeah, Lindsay.  Well, I guess you’re going to have to be the judge.”  Lame, I know.  Remember, she is a freshman.  They don’t know any better.

We’re both pretty drunk at this point and start making out on my couch.  She’s straddling me, grinding.  I pull her shirt off and ask her if she wants to go to my room.  “Absolutely,” she responds.  Once in my room, I put on some cut music.  I’m a little fuzzy and inquire as to where her socks are.  Eva laughs, “I wore sandals!”  Apparently this is hilarious because it ends up being her facebook status the next day.  Sigh, freshmen.  Oh well, onward…

This girl is a freak.  She’s game for whatever, but we keep it classy with just oral and sex.  We go at it for well over an hour.  We’re both sweating and exhausted.  I tell her afterwards that she is welcome to spend the night, but she has to be up early and heads back to the dorm.  I get on the computer, pour another glass of wine from the bottle, and instant message The Hoss: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.  Fuck my liver.

dikkiedubbs has a little more to add in the conclusion to the trilogy.  “Eva Longoria Part 3: Curse of the Beer-Dick” will be posted next week…