FML – Fuck My Liver

The Hoss told you one tale of this girl, Ace has given you his, but Dickie’s gotta tell his tale too.

First I have to say, these are TRUE accounts of sloppy, drunk sex. Yes, we passed around girls like blunts during our college years. Yes, it is kinda gross. But yes, it’s all true.

The Score

The Hoss was throwing one of his typical boozefests. Drunk sorority girls everywhere. Dickiedubbs noticed Eva stumbling around making out with guys (8 different dudes that night to be exact, but who’s counting). It was obvious to Dickie that Eva was gonna get railed that night by somebody, and he decided it had to be him.

As soon as he saw her stumbling towards him, he said fuck it, started making out with her, and told her to come back to his place. She didn’t even turn around to say goodbye to her friends. Dickie turned as they were walking out to see the disappointed looks on all his shark-buddies’ faces. They knew she wasn’t swimming to their beds that night.

The Beer-Dick

So after an hour walk home that Eva insisted on, they finally got back to Dickie’s. Dickie took her upstairs and proceeded to get her naked and all is well. Then Dickie realized his dick was too fucking wasted to get up. But Dickie persisted, and finally hit it as the sun came up. Although he knew he had been somewhere many men had been before him, Dickie didn’t care cause as far as he was concerned he just banged Eva Longoria. Not to mention about 100 women before her.

Also kiddies, don’t ever let anyone tell you that frats suck. Being in a frat got me so much fucking pussy you wouldn’t believe. Ace and The Hoss can attest to this…Sergio not so much, but you get the idea…FUCK MY LIVER