FML – Fuck My Liver

To preface this story, my roommate at the time knew a girl that was having a party at her house in college. We went out and met a lot of her friends, but there were too many to remember when drunk. We made our presence felt and then headed out for the night. A few days later, my buddy talked to his friend and she told him that one of her friends thought I was cute. But we never exchanged information or even names so I was at a loss. We looked her up online to make sure she wasn’t a beast and I was pleasantly surprised. She was smoking hot, but I wondered where I could run into her again. Then it clicked: We’ll have a party and invite those girls over…

Fast forward to a couple of weeks later and it’s the night of the party. They end up coming over with some friends and a bunch of my friends are already in attendance as well. We made sure to be drinking for a while before they got there. Mixed drinks are a speedy way to get drunk. We all play some drinking games and everyone is getting toasted.

During some downtime, I’m talking to the girl that thought I was hot in the hallway. Apparently she didn’t know my name, so she had referred to me as “Highlights” when referencing for a couple of weeks (because I had highlights in college) and this nickname sticks with that group up to this day (even though I no longer have highlights). I’m talking her up at this point and things are going well. I make a move and we start making out in the hall. My room is ten feet away. I offer the invite to join me there and she politely accepts.

In the locked room, we’re on the bed and grinding. Both topless, I start to take her pants off. “Wait”, she tells me. “It’s that time of the month.” Sigh. You have to understand that I am bombed at this point. I don’t give a fuck. She’s fine with getting at it if I am (which I am). She goes to the bathroom real quick and I place a towel on the bed. She comes back in and I start tearing it up.

Not too sound too graphic, but it’s getting messy. Even this drunk, I can only take so much. “Let’s take it to the shower,” I tell her. She’s game. Remember that this is in the middle of a party. We hit the showers and I knock it out of the park. We clean up afterwards, get dressed, and return to the party. I don’t even think anyone knew we were gone. I head to the kitchen and pour a drink to my success. Fuck my liver.