FML – Fuck My Liver

So I go to visit my friend who goes to school in southern West Virginia for the weekend. I’m at a party and a VERY good looking blonde girl approaches me and starts talking to me in a very cute Kentucky accent. So I’m a little confused at this point, because situations like this are rare in my hometown. Is this just a really friendly southern belle? Or is this babe really into me?  And when I said VERY good looking I’m really mean to say shes at least a 9.5 easily.

So we go to the bar, and proceed to get wasted.  Dickie had this babe totally feelin’ the kid, and totally drunk. Flirting turned into an inappropriate make out/fondling session in the middle of the bar. This chick, Kelly, even agreed to come home with me knowing full well I was sleeping on my buddies couch.

Next morning, I said goodbye to Kelly and we packed up and drove back up North. I didnt expect to ever hear from this unbelievable gorgeous girl ever again, but she called me that night telling me she missed me in that extremely cute southern drawl. “Come visit me then,” I said. Well as it turned out she was already planning on it.  So the next weekend she drives North to visit me, with her friend coming along as well.

Her friend was kinda cool, but the 2 of them fought the entire time they were here, making my roommates and I quite uncomfortable. But I took them to the bar and we got wasted, all was well until we got back to Dickie’s. I asked the girls if they would like to smoke a blunt with me. Kelly responded first and said no, but her friend said yes. Little did I realize this made Kelly go into a drunken jealous rage. She literally flipped the fuck out on both of us for an hour straight, then we had what I guess would be considered makeup sex…very, very weird weekend.

The next day we all wake up hungover and probably needing alcohol treatment. I tell the girls I have shit to do (total lie) and they have to leave. They fucking fought all morning, but they finally leave. An hour later I get a call. “Dickie Karen was being a bitch so I kicked her out of my car,” Kelly said. “What the fuck? Are you kidding? She’s your friend and you brought her here. Did you really just leave her on the side of 79 south? You cant do that.” I said. “Fuck her and fuck you for taking her side” Kelly said and hung-up.

This was the last I had heard of Kentucky Kelly until I came across her via Facebook the other day. She says she wants me to come visit her in Kentucky… I think I’m gonna do it. Fuck my Liver