Mrs. Officer
A few months back, the usual cast decided to go out for a night of drinking in a different part of town. We decided to head this route because there was a little more of a sophistacated crowd there instead of our usual college crowd hangouts. The Hoss, myself, and another friend pregame and then catch a cab. We hangout and bullshit for an hour or so while getting our drink on hardcore. At this point, a couple of other friends meet up with us.
After a while, our buddy Mac asks if we’re okay with heading back to one of our usual spots because he wants to meet up with some girl, Megan. Apparently he has been trying to get with her for a few months and thought tonight would be different from the others. At first reluctant, the rest of us finally agree to go to the other bar once we realize that there will be other girls with her. We’re torn up anyways and the prospect of having an “in” with some random girls is very appealing.
We get to the other bar and Megan’s friends are fairly beat. I wouldn’t say they were ugly, but I wouldn’t say they were attractive either. They are the kind of girls you see on the street that you have no opinion of, but in the end decide that you wouldn’t have sex with. The Hoss and I decide that we need to start slamming drinks to hang out (even though we’re already lit up). Double Vodka Red Bulls are immediately ordered, crushed, and replaced. Getting to the point of stumbling, I decide that I should start being social. I start talking to one of the girls, whose name alludes me now. After some random bullshit conversation, she tells me that she’s a police officer. Fucking hot! I don’t care that this girl was only a 5 on the scale. In my state of mind, that was probably the hottest thing I could have heard. Lil’ Wayne’s “Mrs. Officer” starts banging in my head. I step up the flirting.
It’s finally closing time and we invite the girls to come back to Mac’s place. They agree under the stipulation that someone can take the officer home at 6am. In my drunken state, I agree to take her and we’re on our way. For your information, I didn’t even have a car available and only agreed so that she would head back with us. Once there, everyone grabs beers and starts bullshiting. The Hoss’s potential hookup was somehow drunker than us, and sloppy. He tries to take her to another room, but she emerges a few minutes later and passes out on the floor. I continue my flirting until everyone heads to their quarters for the night. This isn’t until about 4am, when I start feeling Mrs. Officer up on the couch. She’s into it. “Wee Ooh Wee Ooh Wee” hits my head again. We start making out and rubbing on each other. Five minutes into the dry humping, she pulls back and stops me, telling me how she’s not a one-night hook-up kind of girl. Unfortunately for her, that’s all she was going to be to me. Frustrated, I pass out.
The next day I wake up and she’s long gone. Everyone is still there except for her. My buddy asks how she got home and I tell him that I have no idea. We step outside to enjoy a cigarette. We share our stories and he tells me how he wasn’t able to get laid either. What a waste of everyone’s night. Later, Mac tells me that Megan got Mrs. Officer’s number for me and that she wanted me to call her sometime. I told him I wasn’t interested. Fuck my liver.
