My Blazer Didn’t Get Me Laid, It Did Much Better
Another Saturday night at the restaurant had let out and Sergio was trying to get it. The problem was my brother and friends had already been out for several hours getting tanked.
Tracked them down and made my presence felt at this crowded college bar. Found them slamming shots, and I couldn’t help but to join in. Sergio was looking proper this fine evening, sporting a blazer he purchased from H&M for $10 off the clearance rack.
Continued on to crush three Strong Island Iced Teas in an attempt to catch up to the gang. Stunting in my discount blazer, the fuck-me-eyes had to have been rolling my way.
The bar had called last call and my brother was way fucked up. No big deal right? Except, he was my ride home. Sergio decided to stay for another, what could it hurt?
My brother was on the phone to inform me that we had a flat front tire. WTF?
Feeling extremely courageous, Sergio was calm and reassuring, like any good brother would be? “I’ll meet you a street over, I can drive us home.”
Make it to the agreed upon location, and the car is literally crawling, inching its way on the street. I quickly got him out of the driver seat because he was so crushed. In the driver seat, Sergio was feeling invincible. One minor problem, we still had a flat FRONT tire.
Merely seconds after entering the car, cops flashed their lights behind our broke ass vehicle. Sergio’s flashy blazer seemed to have fucked us over as the cop probably didn’t believe I was at work only an hour beforehand.
Did the field sobriety test. Aced the part where you hold up one leg for 45 seconds. Convinced him I had just graduated from a respected University and was merely helping my brother out.
Satisfied with my lip service, he instructed the truck driver to tow us back to our place. What could have been more perfect?
Tow trucker seemed alright, despite my brother speaking complete nonsense all the way home. He charged $100 for lifting our car half a mile up the hill. Happy to pay it to avoid the DUI, I cracked a victory beer upon entering the place. Fuck My Liver.
