FML – Fuck My Liver

Last April I went to see a comedy show down at the Improv.  The comedian was Aaron Karo (pictured right).  I had read his column for years and couldn’t think of a better way to spend my Tuesday night.  Throughout this story, please keep in mind that this was a Tuesday…along with the fact that I had work the next morning.

I believe the show started at 8pm.  We sat right in front so that my friend could get his deserved ball-busting from the comedians.  I mean, come on, he had on white loafers with shorts.  Drinking commences.  For some reason, I’m going really hard this night.  I pound about 12 beers in 2 hours at this comedy show and am ready to party.  My friends are barely drinking.

I had read about Karo going out with people after the show to party so we stuck around.  There was a group of girls that we knew there and invited him to come out with all of us.  He and the opening act, Matt Molchen (pictured left), joined us on Southside.  The first bar is where my downfall began.

We walk in Carson City and immediately start ripping shots.  I mean, it’s disgusting.  I’m chasing shots of Jager with shots of Grey Goose.  I’m thinking that this night is going to get wild.  I guess I was right.  After multiple beers and shots, I’m fucked up.  No dinner and all that alcohol makes Ace a happy, albeit barely functioning, boy.  My friends are chilling by the bar, not getting caught up in this at all.  I yell to them, “Ride the wave.”  To this day, I have no fucking idea what that meant.

Time to bar hop.  We head to a dive bar called Barry’s where it’s College Night.  $1 Coronas, packed with underagers.  I start talking to some girl with Karo by my side and telling her how she should feel privileged to be talking to a celebrity.  Ugh.  I’m fading fast.

Next stop is a real hole-in-the-wall, Jack’s.  I can barely get my ID out of my wallet.  Someone orders carbombs.  I’m so fucked that I drink the shot of Bailey’s without realizing that I’m supposed to drop it in the cup.   I guess it’s time to head home.  12:30am.  Weak.

Oops. I live 15 minutes away and can barely stand?  I’m thinking a booty call would be a good idea at this point since I can’t make it home anyways.  I call this girl and arrange to meet her at her place.  How she understood anything I said is anyone’s guess.  I get there and can barely get up the stairs.  Not feeling too great now.  Ugh, what was that?  I run to the bathroom and start violently vomiting into her toilet…then I pass out on the floor.  She is finally able to wake me up at 3:30am.  I stumble to her bed for 3 more hours of sleep, then head to work.  Fuck my liver.