Fuck My Liver

There was a waitress at one of the bars I used to frequent that I got to know fairly well.  She used to semi-flirt, but I know servers’ tactics and never took it too seriously.  However, there was a time when I ran into her while we were both out for a football game.  She was short and brunette with a tight body.  The flirting got a little more serious and I hit the ground running.  Got her number and ended up hooking up a few times over the next couple of weeks.

Now, I had kind of cut things off by the time of this story.  We hadn’t talked in maybe two weeks.  But I was out with the guys on a Saturday night doing what I do best: fucking my liver.  As I get drunk, I’m thinking of who I could get for a hook-up and the waitress pops in my mind.  She was a good lay and she liked me a lot so I knew that drunken texts had a good possibility of leading to sex.  We’re flixting back and forth for a couple of hours as I’m only getting drunker.

The bar is getting ready to shut down and one of my buddies tells me about a local poker game that we can go to.  Decisions, decisions.  I want to go pick up this girl and fuck her, but the thought of winning some money first is fresh in my mind.  We grab a six-pack and head to the game.  I have to make up some bullshit about why I can’t come get her right away and ask if she’ll be up for awhile.  She tells me that she needs to work at 1:00pm the next day so she doesn’t want to be up too late.

More time passes and she’s getting pissed.  A text comes in: “Do you really want to see me or are you just fucking with me?”  I’m up a few hundred in the poker game and decide that if I want to get some tonight, then I’m going to have to leave now.  I give away the remaining two beers I have, tell her that I’m about half an hour away, and cash out.

I arrive at her parents’ house around 4:00am and she hops in the car.  I have no idea what her parents are thinking, but I would slap the shit out of my daughter if she left the house at 4am.  We take the thirty minute drive back to my place and she’s obviously tired.  She asks where I was and what took so long.  I tell her that I had to take a couple of friends home, but we stopped to get food on the way.  This girl must really like me to have stayed up and put up with my bullshit.  We hop in my bed and she takes it like a champ for the next hour.

In the morning, I drop her off and tell her I’ll call her soon.  (I never follow through on that).  Then I roll to a tailgate with all my boys and pour a little beer out for ‘the waitress’.  Fuck my liver.

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