Stealing Ricardo’s Tequila
Ricardo: fat, stinky, and stupid.
Why the fuck do you morons think it’s ok to wear that much fucking cologne? It’s so damn gross. Really.
Tonight’s guy showed up. He was fat. I might have fucked him anyway, but he was wearing so much cologne that I could smell it from a block away. I’m not exaggerating.
He arrived at my place. Isis needed to go to the bathroom so I asked him to escort me out–didn’t want to leave him alone in my place. Just when we got out of my building, I told him that it wasn’t going to work. His cologne was overpowering me.
I’m too fucking old to waste my time on fat smelly assholes. So he asked if he could get his bottle of tequila back. The idiot had left it in my place. I assured him that I’d return it. Isis went to the bathroom; the fat ass waited by my building’s front door.
Isis and I went in; we left him outside. I poured myself a generous portion of his tequila, the brand of which I’ve no clue, and then handed him his bottle and slammed the front door of the building.
He texted me, “I see you poured some for yourself,” then, “That’s fucked up,” and finally, “Fucking cunt.” Ahh, sexy.
Oh, and he’s bald and fat and the smell of his stinky cologne is still in my nose.
I’m pretty sure Monday’s date is off. Shucks.
Oh, and he couldn’t find my apartment once he was in my building. I live on the 2nd floor but he wandered around on the 4th floor for a while, stinking up the joint. So he’s not only fat and stinky, but also stupid. Yuck.
I swear. True story.
I’m a little confused here. you said “tonight’s guy showed up” so how did you meet this fat smelly dude in the first place?
I had originally met Richardo–fat, Desperate in front of a restaurant when I was on a date with another guy. As the original date was going very well, I had been doing a lot of drinking. When I drink I’m friendly. I gave my number to a guy. Later that night I went to a party, where Ricardo–fat, Desperate called me. He proceeded to call me and text me SEVERAL times over the next couple of weeks. My responses were minimal, if at all, which is why he was dubbed “Ricardo–fat, Desperate” in my phone.
The night in question I had been out with a hot MF couple. He kept saying he wanted the three of us to go back to my place to fuck. Ok. She and I kissed. Ok. I was ready for some fun, dirty times. I was horny as fuck.
Instead, I went home alone where I tried to drum up some interest in having someone come fuck me. Ricardo–fat, Desperate won the lottery by texting me at the right time. The guy who showed up was much larger, and certainly much more cologne-soaked than my drunken memories had recalled.
who are you and where have you been all my life?
For some reason I imagine his cologne being Brut “essence of man”
Hahaha that picture is perfect