FML – Fuck My Liver

Back in my frosh year of college, a weekend came along in which my family would not be home.  What better time to have a party?  I didn’t even need to get permission.  I invited a bunch of my closer friends from college and high school to come over.

Having just recently gotten my fake ID, I thought it was a good time to test it out.  I went up to the beer distributor practically shitting myself.  No problem though.  The guy was so nice that I went back up later and got more beer for the party.  With nowhere else to put it, I filled the bathtub with ice and loaded the beers in there.

Everyone is over and getting toasted.  Later, one girl wants to go for a walk so I take her around the block and put some work in.  We get back and everyone is hanging out and drinking on the street.  What the fuck!  Nothing screams underagers like people drinking on the street with music blaring out of the house.  Luckily my neighbors are understanding.

Everyone heads back in and the night starts to wind down.  I take the former mentioned girl into a room and we start making out and fooling around.  I’m loaded now and can barely see right.  I figure that if I help her out (you know what I mean), she’ll help me out.  So I do my part.  After my suggestion for her to return the favor, she replies, “I don’t do that.”

I respond, “Um, then why did you let me go at you if you weren’t going to reciprocate?”

“Because I enjoy that part.”  And then she leaves the room to sleep with her girl friend.  I pass out in a state of confusion and inebriation.  Fuck my liver.