FML – Fuck My Liver

This is one of my first drinking experiences in college.  A group of us planned to go to a local bar downtown.  My roommate was busy on a date, so I hung out with some of the other guys on the floor.  We started drinking in the dorms and then headed to the bar.

The place is packed with underagers like us.  We’re downing pitchers like an All-Star game and start ripping shots.  After a few hours, I am absolutely blasted.  The guys I rolled in with leave and I hang out with some other friends that I ran into there.  Later, my roommate shows up with his girl and I’m yelling at him, “Hey! I’m over here! How was the date?!”  Annoyed, my roommate just pushes my bottle up to my mouth so I’ll shut up.  I continue to drink.

It’s finally time to head back and I’m stumbling.  I’m so drunk that on the walk back, I’m trying to touch the stoplights.  I mean, I honestly thought that I was really close to getting them when I was jumping.  Wow.

We get back in front of the dorms and I just sit in the grass and start vomiting, which is especially embarrassing since everyone is rolling back now.  My roommate is holding the back of my head because I’m so gone that I almost have my face against the ground (and in the vomit).  When I finish up, we try to head inside.

In our dorms, you had to swipe your ID at the desk to get through the doors.  My roommate is explaining to me that I need to act sober so I can do this.  Yeah, cause I know what he’s talking about.  He’s holding the back of my shirt like I’m getting kicked out of a bar as I walk up to swipe.  I go for it and completely miss and almost fall.  But what’s worse is that I thought that I had successfully done it and start walking to the doors.  My friend apologizes to the students working the desk and helps me back to the room.

He throws me into my bed and I pass out mid-fly.  This would be the beginning of an inebriated and oft-forgotten freshman year.  Fuck my liver.