FML – Fuck My Liver

This is the part of the college experience that literally is lost in the suds of booze. When there is binge drinking, there is always a blackout story. We’ve all been down this road and we all know it leads to a make-out session between you and the toilet. But it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. So to kick off this reading series with a bang, let me start with one of my all-time favorites. Out of respect, I’m not going to use my friend’s real name. We’ll just call him Mitch.

A few summers ago, I’m going to say ‘06 or ‘07, I went to a friend’s house for a party in Levittown, NY. We get there and it’s already well underway. The music is blasting, burgers and hot dogs are on the barbecue and beer pong and flip cup is in full swing. So I’m drinking with Mitch for a few hours when (and I don’t know how or why), Mitch starts talking about how urine is sterile. The party was starting to die down, but he brought it back to life single-handedly. Mitch can barely stand up at this point yet there he is, center of the backyard holding a Poland Spring Bottle of piss (he’d gone behind a shed to fill it up). Granted, he’d had so many bottles of Beck’s that at this point it looked like watered down apple juice.

While we’re all wondering just what the hell Mitch is doing, Mitch starts challenging whoever will listen, shouting, “Who wants me to drink this?”

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