FML – Fuck My Liver

So I’m in the first two weeks of my third college (none of which I graduated) and Dickie is on a roll. Three babes in 2 weeks, and potential number 4 is on her third shot. We will call her Katie. My friend, a cute girl from Alabama, kept throwin’ me nods in Katie’s direction, indicating to me that it’s a sure thing. Well Dickie had been drinking hard all night, so he was ready for anything.

Katie then mentions she hasn’t drank in 8 months. Red flags should’ve gone off but Dickie had getting laid as the number one priority. Katie then proceeds to start talking about her boyfriend. This would intimidate some guys, but Dickie had jumped that hurdle many times and knew it wasn’t an obstacle.

P.S. guys if you trust women, you will only be disappointed later. They are bigger snakes then we are, they’re just better at hiding it.

Using my Techno-logic retardation as a tool, I asked Katie to help me do something on my computer. Considering she was stumbling after 4 shots should’ve been a dead giveaway to abort mission, but I chose to ignore it.

The Hookup

I make my move and it turns out to be a very easy kill. We’re goin’ at it, and she’s on top when all of a sudden, I feel a warm liquid all over me. “WHAT THE FUCK” I yell only to hear drunk bitch start fucking laughing. “YO BITCH GET THE FUCK OFF MY BED AND INTO THE SHOWER STAT HO” she starts laughing harder. I turn the light on to see whats wrong and the problem is clear. She’s too drunk to walk after 4 shots.

So being the gentleman Dickie Dubbs is, I escort her to the shower, holding her up and making sure she doesn’t hit her head. It was like Weekend at Bernie’s. Finally I get her back to the bed. The mood is obviously fucked, so i try to sleep. all of a sudden i hear the worst noise you can imagine…yea the sound of a freshman girl vomiting on your bed. Needless to say I proceeded to sleep on the couch. The best part was I told everybody I knew the next day. The looks on their faces were fucking priceless. They didn’t know whether to laugh at me or her, but I didn’t care. Fuckin Freshman. FUCK MY LIVER