Fuck My Liver

I recently just moved back to Las Vegas from spending roughly a year and a half in the great city of Savannah, GA. Below is one of the many tales from Savannah that I will tell for the rest of my life and tell it with pride and hope that one day if I ever reproduce, my grand kids will pass on this tale.

On a Saturday I decided I was going to stay in for the evening and just take it easy. Maybe make a couple drinks for myself and have the hopes that the highlight of my evening would be discovering something on TV that was funny or getting sucked into the Antique Road Show and discovering I have thousands of dollars stuffed away in the attic cause of the crap my dead grandparents gave me.

The Crown and Coke starts flowing…

After about seven or so (maybe more) drinks down the hatch I realize the trash can is full of empty Coke cans and smells a little ripe, if you understand where I’m coming from. So I step outside to the side of my house to deposit the trash when I see my neighbors very hot, very young, and very freshly married to a navy man who is out to sea daughter pull up in her car.

A little background on this girl:

She is crazy hott! She is probably 5’4”, 110 lbs and the doctor just delivered a brand new set of fake breasts. Tight body to die for and tan smooth skin from hanging on the beach every weekend.

The bad thing is that she knows she is good looking and because of that is a complete stuck up bitch. I actually hate this girl. I think she is dumb; she talks about the stupidest shit. I also think she is a bitch for treating her husband like shit. But I guess he’s the real dumbass for marrying her.

All I have wanted was to screw her because she is smoking hott but like I said, besides that, I couldn’t stand her.

Back to the goods…

As I drop the garbage bag into the can she stumbles out of the passenger seat of her car and a big fat guy that came straight from a monster truck event exits from the driver side. A Jeep pulls up behind her car.

In her drunken state she sees me and screams,

“Kevin!!! I’m in town for the weekend…I met these guys at the bar and they decided to drive me home because they think I’m gonna fuck them…but I wanna fuck you…sshhh”

My time to shine.

“Gentlemen, I got it from here. Thanks for bringing her home safe. You guys have a good night.”

As the big guy walks away I hear him mumble under his breath, “…fucking bullshit…” and they drive away in shame.

As I turn to talk to “Joy”, I see that she has already entered my house.

“Thank you Jesus.”

I enter my house to find her in my bedroom. Already naked and looking at herself in different sexy poses in the mirrors I have on one wall in my room (one whole wall is nothing but mirrors).

I could not help but just step back and look at her dumbass standing there basically dancing for herself and making little schoolgirl poses…and soak up every beautiful second of it.

So we start commencing the sex and I must say this is the tightest girl I have ever been with. I literally had to fight to get my light switch of a penis inside her. Hard to imagine because of the fact that she is a total slut. And I only make these comments because every 10 to 15 minutes of the sex, she would stop and start telling me about how she hooked up with “X” amount of guys and how she hooked up with guy the other week.

I could give a shit and the whole time we would have our little “Breaks”, I would just try to find a way to get her worked up so I could bust my nut and get her the fuck out. So after I get her worked up to want to go again, she decides to get on top.

I will soon find out this is a bad idea.

As she is riding me like a drunken Mexican on a donkey I see this strange look on her face. Not the “O” face or a “oh yeah that’s the spot” face. It’s more of a “I don’t know what is going to happen, but it’s not going to be good” face.

At the moment I have the inclining of what is soon to happen, it is too late. Her face looks like a squirrel with a mouth stuffed full of nuts for the winter. But for the first time it is not nuts that is puffing her cheeks out.

I try to lift her tiny body off of me onto the floor but a steady stream of vomit sneaks passed her lips and something that resembles a pepperoncini lands on my chest along with other semi-processed food items.

She lands on the floor and her naked body crawls to the bathroom.

I am left in shock.

I lay in my bed, after cleaning myself up in my kitchen, and hear her throwing up what seems like a whole grocery list of vomit. I realize this is going to be awhile so I decide to make another Crown and Coke and step outside for a smoke, and also to reflect on the events that just happened.

I come back in after about 15 minutes and she is still in the bathroom…

“What the fuck!?!”

Ten minutes later I hear the bathtub running…

“What the fuck is this bitch doing…bathing in my house? Is she so fucked up she thinks she is in some fantasy land and as she was vomiting looks and goes ‘ hey there is a bathtub, that sounds nice right about now’. No! Fuck that!”

I decide to enter the bathroom to see what is going on and I see her sitting in my bathtub looking like a rape victim; naked, knees tucked in under her chin with her arms wrapped around them, makeup running down her face. It was pathetic. I actually felt bad for her

Me – “You alright?”

Joy – “I don’t feel good” She extends her hand to me and pulls me into the tub with her.

So we start getting it on in the bathtub and the whole time shes sucking my face off and later sucking me off I realized she actually cleaned up her vomit mess pretty well, the bathroom looked spotless, thanks Joy.

Back into the bedroom I’m ready to erupt like a volcano, and she can sense this.

Fucking women and your telepathy.

Right as I am ready to pull out to paint her face she stops me.

Joy – “What do you think you are doing?”

Me – As I look like a douche bag jerking off over her smoking hott body to get my baby batter out – “I’m ready to cum”

Joy – “Hell no!”

She crawls out of bed picking up pieces of her clothing on the way to the door.

Me – Cock still in hand still rubbing it chasing her to the front door desperately trying to squeeze at least a drop out of my little mushroom – “What the fuck? Where you going?”

Joy stops at the front door and turns to me – “No man EVER cums with me”

As soon as she said that I let a little dribble come out but it was not satisfying. She shut the door and I felt my whole life whither away.

I had a goal to fuck this girl because I hated her and she was hott. But in the end, she vomits on me and wont let me bust a nut.

The fucking bitch won.

Fuck my life

Fuck my liver

And Fuck her liver.

Vomit, Sex, and A Very Married Vixen4.659

You might also like

Sexploits: My First Cougar On a summer, Friday night on the little coastal island named Tybee, about 12 miles south of Savannah,...

She Had On Her Fuck Me Boots Perhaps I'm reaching back a bit, but I made out with this chick at one of our house parties.  She...

Stonewalled and Blue Balled Back in my frosh year of college, a weekend came along in which my family would not be home.  What...

As Seen On TV, Girls Gone Wild Exposed As seen on TV, late at night, many times, especially when you’ve struck out after a night of drinking. ...